Me: Yeah, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situatio…
Crowd: Boooo! Damn this dj suuuuucks
One a scale of 1-10 how much do you care what other people think of you?
Me: (who hasn’t eaten a packet of crisps at work for 2 years because im scared it will be too noisy and people will look at me) I dunno, probably like a 5?
Partner: I’m breaking up with you
Me: Oh why?
Partner: It’s the only speaking in single letters thing, it’s weird
Me: Oh. I see. OK
Dad: *puts arm around my shoulder* Just remember son, if it doesn’t go well it’s always ok to just dust yourself off and try again until you get it right
*his eyes flicker to my younger brother for just a split second too long*
Me: *singing full volume* A B C D…ok cool
Me: A B C D E F G H I…ok cool
Me: A B C…ok cool
Librarian: For the love of God please stop.
(Me trying to find a Charles Dickens book at the library)
Me: Roses are red, violets are blue…
Them: I’m going to stop you there man. Imma assume this is your first rap battle?
Her: So when you said you were going to make me happy using just your mouth…
Me: *putting down microphone* BEATBOXING IS A GIFT SARAH
My manager is off this week and I’m the supervisor and people keep looking at me for answers
Like guys I was late to work this morning because I followed a particularly fat squirrel the wrong way through the park for 5 minutes let’s wait for the real grown-ups
Sliding into your DMs like hey how you doiiinnNNNO IM SLIDING TOO FAST WHY IS IT SO SLIPPERY IN HERE WHAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa
*distant sound of breaking glass*
The cute barista at my favourite coffee place has been flirting with me for about 6 months now.
In another 6 months I’m hopeful I’ll work up the confidence to tell them they misheard my name 6 months ago and I’ve been too awkward to say anything