@AaronFullerton: PET PEEVE: Cutting donuts in half.
Either experience the complete joy of a full donut or fully punish yourself. None of this half-measure crap, please.
@AaronFullerton: Is Fergie totally done spelling stuff? Because "mischievous" sometimes stumps me and I'd appreciate a song about it.
@AaronFullerton: "Pretend to be someone you're not and receive candy." Quick: Halloween or Valentine's Day?
@AaronFullerton: Before you buy that nice jacket online, ask yourself: "Am I willing to delete one extra email every day for the rest of my life?"
@AaronFullerton: OK, if you get to refer to your favorite football team as "we," then I definitely get to refer to the cast of Friends as "we."
@AaronFullerton: Beyoncé: Ok now ladies let's get in formation.
Ladies: Information about what?
Beyoncé: Dammit, ladies, we went over this.
@AaronFullerton: "Usain Bolt, Trump regrets/ Gawker downed by Hogan's sex/ Manafort, Putin's pet/ Lochte lies then hops on jet/ We didn't start the fire..."
@AaronFullerton: "Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.