@AbbieEvansXO THERAPIST: tell me about your childhood
THE PREDATOR FROM ALIEN VS PREDATOR: well, when I was a child predator…
THERAPIST: ok, first let’s talk about phrasing
@AbbieEvansXO 
@AbbieEvansXO Me: please just one more wish
Genie: no, I said 3
Me: please
Genie: no
Me: [holding my new Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello action figures] Genie please
@AbbieEvansXO Me: dude I don’t need this sort of negativity in my life right now
Bear attacking me: [bear noises]
@AbbieEvansXO Princess: I shall marry whomever of you is the bravest
Suitors: [all awkwardly look at the toaster]
@AbbieEvansXO Him: how did your duel with your nemesis go?
Me: *kicks stone* we were approaching each other from a distance and I drew my sword too early and had to hold it out for ages like a doofus
@AbbieEvansXO Satan: I’m gonna torture you for eternity
Me: I’m gonna call your dad and tell him how high you have the heat turned up in here
Satan: wait no
@AbbieEvansXO Nobody:
Mime:
Mute person:
Fight club member:
Parrot:
Torturer who just boldly claimed he had ways of making people talk: oh no
@AbbieEvansXO Drug dealer: if you’re a cop, you have to tell me
Me: [into shoulder radio] is that true
@AbbieEvansXO [being haunted]
Me: *tries to text ghostbusters*
Ghost: actually you have to call them, they’re pretty specific about that
Me:
Ghost:
Me: you know what being haunted is fine
@AbbieEvansXO Me: my dad left to get cigarettes 20 years ago
My dad: [opening door] I was doing side quests