@AbbyHasIssues

It turns out the answer to my problems wasn’t at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.

@AbbyHasIssues

I’m normally not a jealous person, but I wouldn’t mind switching places with the astronauts that were just launched out of Earth’s atmosphere.

@AbbyHasIssues

Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for five minutes before eating.

Me: No.

@AbbyHasIssues

Don’t think of Daylight Saving Time as losing an hour of sleep.

Think of it as being one hour closer to breakfast.

@AbbyHasIssues

I’m up for any New Year’s Eve party as long as it starts at six, ends by eight, and doesn’t require real pants.

@AbbyHasIssues

Sorry, package of water bottles. I’m only making one trip from the car with these grocery bags, so you’re sleeping in the car tonight.

@AbbyHasIssues

I’ve never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that’s running 15 minutes over time.

@AbbyHasIssues

Got a new bottle of dish soap and now I’m using what’s left in the old one with the reckless abandon of someone in a much higher tax bracket.

@AbbyHasIssues

Welcome to adulthood.

You get mad when they rearrange your grocery store now.

@AbbyHasIssues

It turns out the answer to my problems wasn’t at the bottom of this big bowl of pasta, but the important thing is that I tried.