It turns out the answer to my problems wasn’t at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.
I’m normally not a jealous person, but I wouldn’t mind switching places with the astronauts that were just launched out of Earth’s atmosphere.
Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for five minutes before eating.
Don’t think of Daylight Saving Time as losing an hour of sleep.
Think of it as being one hour closer to breakfast.
I’m up for any New Year’s Eve party as long as it starts at six, ends by eight, and doesn’t require real pants.
Sorry, package of water bottles. I’m only making one trip from the car with these grocery bags, so you’re sleeping in the car tonight.
I’ve never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that’s running 15 minutes over time.
Got a new bottle of dish soap and now I’m using what’s left in the old one with the reckless abandon of someone in a much higher tax bracket.
Welcome to adulthood.
You get mad when they rearrange your grocery store now.
It turns out the answer to my problems wasn’t at the bottom of this big bowl of pasta, but the important thing is that I tried.