It’s cute how the grocery store cashier told me to have a great Thanksgiving like I won’t be back to the store six more times in the next seven days.
Age 17: I can’t wait to travel the world!
Age 37: Feeling kind of adventurous. Might go to the “good” grocery store 15 miles away.
Directions: Allow food to sit for five minutes before consuming.
On HGTV they can flip a house in a month and I’ve been “getting ready to dust” for the past week.
“Well-behaved women seldom make history,” I quietly say as I don’t wait the full 10 minutes for the oven to preheat.
Me at 12: I can’t wait to be an adult so I can buy whatever I want with my money.
Me at 36: If I wait until it goes on sale and use my coupon, I can buy scented trash bags.
No thanks, $30 haunted house. I can watch the news and get scared any time for free.
Friend: Did you already eat or do you want to get some food?
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I’m trying to unlock it more than two times, I’m driving off without you.
Birthday at 21: Takes 12 different shots from 12 different bars.
Birthday at 37: Takes two different pain relievers because I literally hurt myself sleeping.