Going to one of those speed dating events, and every time a guy sits down in front of me, simply open a box of pizza to see if we are toppings compatible.
Apparently walking backwards reduces cellulite and bonus I bet muggers would avoid you.
Why’s it called landing a husband? Are single men floating just above me like airplanes, and does getting engaged require an air traffic control certification
I have to watch my thoughts carefully because I have no filter and just told a guy his shoulders look like they smell nice.
I’ve been through a lot in this last month, but by far the most horrific thing to happen to me was broccoli on pizza. Never again.
Saw a dude chugging a bottle of mustard and it wasn’t even close to the weirdest thing I witnessed today. I’ll ketchup with more details later.
I’m cat sitting for my daughter, and she sent me three pages of instructions, along with a video tutorial. Anyways, what’s a cat? She never specified that part.
I understand my credit score the way I understand the tides. It moves up and down and has something to do with the moon I think
“Trust your gut” ok first of all my gut wants pizza 24 hours a day
I’m not like other girls, I know when I’m being irrational. I don’t let it stop me, but still
How come those cross species adoption videos are always cats or dogs raising baby birds? Just once I’d like to see a hawk enthusiastically barfing into a kittens mouth.
The strawberry frosted pop tart was resplendent.
That’s right, I learned a new word today. Pop-tart; a thin breakfast pastry filled with jam and cooked in a toaster.
I only compete with myself because I’m hella stupid and easy to outsmart.
My doctor said avocados help with depression but so far it’s just sitting there on my counter doing nothing.
There’s no law that says it has to be night to howl at the moon.