We’re like that movie You’ve Got Mail. You’re with the wrong guy, I’m with the wrong girl then I end up on an island married to a volleyball
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Calling a girl “honey” is ok.
Calling a girl “bee vomit” is not ok.
I’m a relationship expert.
My new bowflex comes tomorrow…so if anyone wants to buy a slightly used bowflex in a couple months let me know.
Hey, people who don’t properly re-seal your half empty bags of potato chips… what’s it like eating spider eggs?
I heard that sadomasochistic vegans like to get beet and artichoked.
Some even like getting pead on.
Don’t turnip your nose at this.
Her: I love it when we finish each other’s
My wife’s so square in bed she has cubic hair
I don’t know why people say life is short….this seems to be taking forever.
I still use the word “dude”.
I don’t give a dude.
I don’t use it right, but I still dude it.