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Page of AdamBroud's best tweets

@AdamBroud : My late grandpa may not have had much as a simple circus clown, but he sure left some big shoes to Phil

@AdamBroud: Moses: And number 7 is thou shalt not steal

Ol' lying, thieving, murdering Dave who hates his parents: This is starting to feel personal

@AdamBroud: Me: What's your favorite book?

Date: War and Peace

Me: *mouth full of McNuggets* No, you can only choose one

@AdamBroud: Zeus: And I will call it, "Pegasus"

Me: *Crossing out "Mareplane"* Oh yeah no that's great

@AdamBroud: [Disney Pitch Meeting]

Writer: So kids love puppies

Exec: Haha true

Writer: This movie is about skinning alive 101 of them

Exec: First off, it's perfect

@AdamBroud: Me: please give my compliments to the chef

[later]

Waiter to chef: The sweater that guy at Table 7 is wearing really brings out his eyes

@AdamBroud: Friend: Well, the more you know-

Me: The sadder you'll feel

Friend:

Me: Is that not the phrase?

Friend: It's annoying that you keep getting it wrong

Me: *crying* Well the more you know

@AdamBroud: Me, having lobster for dinner: This is delicious

LOBSTER: *wiping gravy off chin* Yes it is, thank you for inviting me

@AdamBroud: [slowly pushing iceberg in front of titanic]

little mermaid: 🎶I'll have gadgets and gizmos a-plenty🎶

@AdamBroud: Anchor:Actress Zooey Dechanel has murdered an entire town

Co-Anchor:Lol who murders a whole town

A:So quirky

C:Haha America's sweetheart