@AimeeHelene1

If you don’t answer your kid’s tenth “MOM!”, I will…and what I say will keep them awake for 3 days. Better ask “what?”

@AimeeHelene1

Guy on plane:
*hits me in face with coat*
That was me.

Me: *turns around*
*pokes him in the eye*
*takes his peanuts*
And that…was me.

@AimeeHelene1

Me: Well…my zipper broke.
HR: You still have to wear pants.
Me: *in my underwear*
Honestly I don’t see what the issue is.
*crosses legs*

@AimeeHelene1

(my first day in customer service)

Caller: I can’t understand you.

Caller’s wife: Omg that’s so rude! That’s her accent and she…

Me: *talking with huge bite of peanut butter sandwich in my mouth*
“Maweee ty ushin the ower off n on”

@AimeeHelene1

Accidentally used the dog’s shampoo today, and I’m feeling like such a good girl.

@AimeeHelene1

I think that news channel only hired you as a weather forecaster so they could see you get hit by a stop sign in a hurricane.

@AimeeHelene1

*waiting for food at drive-thru*
*sees food is ready*
*crawls through drive-thru window*
*pokes worker with my snow brush*
MY FOOD IS READY!