Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of AimeeHelene1's best tweets

@AimeeHelene1 : Me: I'm so fat...

Him: *rolls eyes*

Me: *rolls fat*

@AimeeHelene1: (my first day in customer service)

Caller: I can't understand you.

Caller's wife: Omg that's so rude! That's her accent and she...

Me: *talking with huge bite of peanut butter sandwich in my mouth*
"Maweee ty ushin the ower off n on"

@AimeeHelene1: *comes into work with a sore throat*
*licks everyone's face*

@AimeeHelene1: Accidentally used the dog's shampoo today, and I'm feeling like such a good girl.

@AimeeHelene1: I think that news channel only hired you as a weather forecaster so they could see you get hit by a stop sign in a hurricane.

@AimeeHelene1: *waiting for food at drive-thru*
*sees food is ready*
*crawls through drive-thru window*
*pokes worker with my snow brush*

@AimeeHelene1: If you get caught about to eat food off the floor, just pretend you lost your contact.

@AimeeHelene1: Me: I'm sorry; I don't remember your name. I know it starts with an S though.... Sledgehammer, Salamander, Slappy...

Him: name is Steve.

Me: Yeah, no, I would've never gotten that.

@AimeeHelene1: I read that peacocks "are obsessed with food and can become extremely aggressive when you dangle french fries in front of them".

See you all later. I'm moving in with my new family now.