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@AimeeHelene1 : "Aimee, could you please mute your phone?"
(me on a conference call making roaring noises while I play with my plastic pterodactyl)
@AimeeHelene1: Me (as bridesmaid):
*up at alter holding bouquet*
WAIT! STOP THE WEDDING!
Priest: *stops talking*
Me: *runs down aisle and out of the church to catch ice cream truck*
@AimeeHelene1: *brings ramen noodles to your cookout*
@AimeeHelene1: Me: *sees someone coming down hallway*
Them: Aimee! Hey!
Me: *turns and presses face against wall*
Me: *closes eyes*
@AimeeHelene1: I like to keep a "wet paint" sign on my office door, so that no one wants to touch the door to come in.
@AimeeHelene1: Whoa, whoa whoa...
I only lick people on the street when I need them to get out of my way.
@AimeeHelene1: Let's send Sarah out into a swamp in a dress.
- news stations
@AimeeHelene1: I keep people from talking to me by picking up leaves off the ground and eating them.
@AimeeHelene1: *runs Baywatch style through Wendy's drive-thru*
@AimeeHelene1: Hotel garbage cans are way too small.
How the hell am I supposed to fit my 8 take out containers, 5 empty bottles of wine, and cake tin in there?!