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@AimeeHelene1 : Friend 1:
I swam with the dolphins in Mexico.
I swam with a sea lion in Jamaica.
I swam with a fat guy in Reno.
@AimeeHelene1: Me: *licks the guy next to me*
Guy: *jumps up*
What the hell lady?!
Me: Whoa, whoa...I'm not the one walking around smelling like ham!
@AimeeHelene1: *makes airplane noise*
*swings arm around*
*slides chapstick across your chapped lips*
@AimeeHelene1: *yawns, while roaring like a dinosaur*
*everyone in the church looks at me*
*waves with T-rex arms*
@AimeeHelene1: *goes to grocery store*
*puts picture of my missing keys on all the milk cartons*
@AimeeHelene1: I was sitting there getting my hair cut, when a spider ran across the floor.
And that's how you accidentally get bangs.
@AimeeHelene1: DON'T INTERRUPT ME!!!
(me, in a drunken argument with your dog)
@AimeeHelene1: *opens can of Pringles*
*finds my lost keys*
@AimeeHelene1: Renting a billboard with the word MOIST in giant letters seems like a fantastic way to piss off a lot of people quickly.
@AimeeHelene1: Me: But, like, if you could make it look like an accident...
Mall Santa: Uhhh, that's not how this works. Now please get off my lap ma'am.
*security drags me away*
Me: *yells* Don't forget to take a picture!