Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@AimeeHelene1 : Let's send Sarah out into a swamp in a dress.
- news stations
@AimeeHelene1: I keep people from talking to me by picking up leaves off the ground and eating them.
@AimeeHelene1: *runs Baywatch style through Wendy's drive-thru*
@AimeeHelene1: Hotel garbage cans are way too small.
How the hell am I supposed to fit my 8 take out containers, 5 empty bottles of wine, and cake tin in there?!
@AimeeHelene1: Friend 1:
I swam with the dolphins in Mexico.
I swam with a sea lion in Jamaica.
I swam with a fat guy in Reno.
@AimeeHelene1: Me: *licks the guy next to me*
Guy: *jumps up*
What the hell lady?!
Me: Whoa, whoa...I'm not the one walking around smelling like ham!
@AimeeHelene1: *makes airplane noise*
*swings arm around*
*slides chapstick across your chapped lips*
@AimeeHelene1: *yawns, while roaring like a dinosaur*
*everyone in the church looks at me*
*waves with T-rex arms*
@AimeeHelene1: *goes to grocery store*
*puts picture of my missing keys on all the milk cartons*
@AimeeHelene1: I was sitting there getting my hair cut, when a spider ran across the floor.
And that's how you accidentally get bangs.
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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