Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of AlanFelyk's best tweets

@AlanFelyk : I wonder how many baptisms by fire were performed before someone switched to water.

@AlanFelyk: Saw a woman on a dating site who says she’s looking for God. I’m thinking she’s not His type.

@AlanFelyk: Her: I’m done with you and everybody who looks like you.

Me: What did Wilford Brimley ever do to you?

@AlanFelyk: To change the traffic light from red to green, pick up your phone and try to read a text on your cellphone.

@AlanFelyk: “You’re driving us apart!” —Crazy woman you met on eHarmony who’s hanging onto your windshield wipers as you turn the corner

@AlanFelyk: You never hear about Aztec women complaining about being left at the altar in the old days.

@AlanFelyk: It’s amazing how many people can hit pine trees and drive with them still hanging on their car roofs. Like nothing happened.

@AlanFelyk: I like to write "made you look" on folded pieces of paper and place them under car windshield wipers in parking lots.

@AlanFelyk: Your daughter seems to have nice boyfriends. They all seem to be involved in community service.

@AlanFelyk: Personal Trainer: Show me the hardest thing that you do each day.
Me: *Goes out front door of gym, comes back in*