The average person eats 35,000 cookies before they die.
I think it would take far less if you tried to do that amount in one sitting.
In England, all swans legally belong to the queen.
Geez, I always pictured her as a cat lady.
I wonder how many baptisms by fire were performed before someone switched to water.
Saw a woman on a dating site who says she’s looking for God. I’m thinking she’s not His type.
Her: I’m done with you and everybody who looks like you.
Me: What did Wilford Brimley ever do to you?
To change the traffic light from red to green, pick up your phone and try to read a text on your cellphone.
“You’re driving us apart!” —Crazy woman you met on eHarmony who’s hanging onto your windshield wipers as you turn the corner
You never hear about Aztec women complaining about being left at the altar in the old days.
It’s amazing how many people can hit pine trees and drive with them still hanging on their car roofs. Like nothing happened.
I like to write “made you look” on folded pieces of paper and place them under car windshield wipers in parking lots.