When you are incorrectly taken for someone else: Mistaken identity

When there’s a spelling error in your ID card: Mistake in identity

When an unmarried woman steals your identity: Miss taking identity


Read some books written by famous doctors recently:

“The Fire Within You” by Dr. Agon

“Drinking blood: The key to immortality?” by Dr. Acula

“Started From The Bottom: Evolution of Injections” by Dr. Ake

“Cocaine: A Lifesaver” by Dr. Ug Dealer

“Alcoholism & You” by Dr. Unkard


When I see “Bvlgari”

My mind: It is pronounced “Bulgari”

My mouth: Buvulgari


You: *Rushes to NIMC office. *Queues for 10 days* *Gets NIN* *Reactivates sim*

Whatsapp: One unread message

Crush: I think I’m in love with your friend, Mark


Doctor: So we want to ask if you can donate one of your kidneys


Doctor: Sir?

Me: M…my mummy has counted it


Me: I slay werewolves for a living.

Date: Haha, always joking around. Anyway, I read that tweet you sent to me, it was so funny, I howled!

Me: *Unsheathing silver cutlass* You What??


My neighbor hates preparing food for his horses with his son, coz the boy always finds ways to mess things up.

So instead, he’ll ask the boy to polish his shoes to keep him busy, and then he’ll hurry to the stables to work. He makes hay while the son shines


Been planning to buy this ram since, but I’ve been procrastinating. Now I just found out the farmer already sold the animal to one boats man.

I’m finally ready to buy, but that sheep has sailed


[Bad guys in John Wick movies be like]

Bad guy: He’s coming

Henchmen: Who?

Bad guy: John Wick, baba yaga

Henchmen: He’s just one guy boss, we can take him

Bad guy: You fools!!! Before John Wick visited Israel on a mission, the Dead Sea used to be called the alive sea


Man: When my brother Sanctus opened his shop, he named it Sanctuary

Friend: Okay, but…

Man: My sister Esther opened her own and named it Estuary

Friend: I know, but just…

Man: So what’s the issue with my own?

Friend: That’s what I’m trying to explain Obi