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Page of Alex_LaVallee's best tweets

@Alex_LaVallee : My 4yr old daughter just charged me $47 for a fake cake she cooked in her pretend oven.

I laughed.

...

She stared at me until I paid her.

@Alex_LaVallee: You guys know monogamy is NOT a type of wood, right?!?

@Alex_LaVallee: Cop: license and registration please.

Me: (gives cop both)

Cop: you drinking tonight?

Me: no.

Cop: you handed me 2 empty beer cans.

@Alex_LaVallee: My wife just walked into a huge spider web.

She is now a black belt in karate.

@Alex_LaVallee: HUGE shout out to Will Smith!

With out him we never would have survived the alien attack in '96.

Happy Independence Day!