My 4yr old daughter just charged me $47 for a fake cake she cooked in her pretend oven.
She stared at me until I paid her.
You guys know monogamy is NOT a type of wood, right?!?
Cop: license and registration please.
Me: (gives cop both)
Cop: you drinking tonight?
Cop: you handed me 2 empty beer cans.
My wife just walked into a huge spider web.
She is now a black belt in karate.
HUGE shout out to Will Smith!
With out him we never would have survived the alien attack in ’96.
Happy Independence Day!