My 4yr old daughter just charged me $47 for a fake cake she cooked in her pretend oven.

I laughed.

She stared at me until I paid her.


Cop: license and registration please.

Me: (gives cop both)

Cop: you drinking tonight?

Me: no.

Cop: you handed me 2 empty beer cans.


My wife just walked into a huge spider web.

She is now a black belt in karate.


HUGE shout out to Will Smith!

With out him we never would have survived the alien attack in ’96.

Happy Independence Day!