@AllanForsyth

Me: Is it just me…

Everyone: Yes. GOD, YES!

Me: I hadn’t actually finished my question 🙁

@AllanForsyth

Took the road less travelled after telling the wife that we didn’t need to stop and ask for directions.

@AllanForsyth

Of course I regularly eat international cuisine. Only last week I had cyrillic alphabetti spaghetti.

@AllanForsyth

I can’t remember exactly when I started baring my bottom in public, but it was many moons ago.

@AllanForsyth

I’m finally getting the professional help I need for my origami addiction.

I’ll let you know how it all unfolds.

@AllanForsyth

Mashed, baked or roasted? I could be asking either how you prefer your potatoes or how you like to spend your weekends.

@AllanForsyth

[Live recording of The Oprah Winfrey Show]

Oprah: *excitedly pointing at audience members* You get a car, you get a car and you get a car, *looks me squarely in the eye* not you… *resumes* you get a car, you get a car…

@AllanForsyth

“Have you met my other half?”

– Former magician’s assistant and victim of tragic “sawing a woman in two” trick.

@AllanForsyth

My father used to locate and deactivate land mines for a living. I wish to follow in his footsteps. His EXACT footsteps.

@AllanForsyth

I like that they just call it brown sauce. I mean, can you be a little more vague, please. What the hell’s actually in that stuff?!