@AllanForsyth

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

@AllanForsyth

My identical twin is insufferable. He manages to look ten years younger than me due to a superior moisturising regimen. He’s really rubbing it in.

@AllanForsyth

Forty is the new thirty!

At least it is according to the loan shark to whom I now owe an additional ten grand.

@AllanForsyth

1997: I Know What You Did Last Summer

1998: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

2006: I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer

2020: Say, Remember That Thing You Did 23 Summers Ago? No? Me Neither. In Fairness, it Was a While Ago. Never Mind. As You Were. Bye.

@AllanForsyth

My parents are cruel. They used to give me pocket money but would also buy me clothes with no pockets.

@AllanForsyth

[The Last Supper]

Waiter: *grinning slyly* Here’s a 50% off coupon for your next visit.

@AllanForsyth

“Our guests often come for a week but stay for months.”

– The cruise industry, putting a positive spin on Covid-19.

@AllanForsyth

Drank some paint and have now added “interior decorator” to my CV.