@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: So, why do you want to work here?
Me: Well, I don’t really want to “work” here, per se...I just really need the paychecks.
@AmishPornStar1: If you ever need to wake my wife from a coma, just set your drink on the coffee table without a coaster.
@AmishPornStar1: When someone patiently listens to you for an hour without judgment...
When your best friend listens to you for 10 minutes and tells you you’re being an idiot...
@AmishPornStar1: Doctor: So, what are you using for birth control?
Me: Usually black socks with sandals. Sometimes tighty whiteys...
@AmishPornStar1: “YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN OFF THAT COUCH ALL DAY!!!”
-my wife yelled, failing to even ACKNOWLEDGE my three trips to the bathroom this morning