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@AmishPornStar1 : Health Tip: If you add a raisin to your 1-pound bag of M&M's it becomes Trail Mix and you can eat the whole thing.
@AmishPornStar1: When the zombies finally come, I’m putting ”ORGANIC” stickers on all the vegans...
Y’know, to buy myself some time.
Because mocking you directly would be rude.
@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: So, why do you want to work here?
Me: Well, I don’t really want to “work” here, per se...I just really need the paychecks.
@AmishPornStar1: If you ever need to wake my wife from a coma, just set your drink on the coffee table without a coaster.
@AmishPornStar1: When someone patiently listens to you for an hour without judgment...
When your best friend listens to you for 10 minutes and tells you you’re being an idiot...
@AmishPornStar1: Doctor: So, what are you using for birth control?
Me: Usually black socks with sandals. Sometimes tighty whiteys...
@AmishPornStar1: How many boxes of Girl Scout cookies are in a serving?
@AmishPornStar1: Introverts are just extroverts who have realized that most people suck.
@AmishPornStar1: Diets are for people who can't afford to buy bigger clothes.