Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@AmishPornStar1 : HOT KRAFT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA CAN’T WAIT TO BE MELTED BETWEEN TWO SLICES OF BREAD!!!
@AmishPornStar1: *me, flirting*
Her: Nice to meet you.
Me: You don’t even really know that.
Her: It’s an expression.
Me: It’s rather presumptuous.
Her: You know what, I’m sorry I met you.
Me: See what I mean?
@AmishPornStar1: Y'know who else threw the bubble-wrap away without popping all the bubbles?
@AmishPornStar1: How come Ex-Lax never has coupons for a “Big Blowout Sale”???
@AmishPornStar1: "No! YOU'RE plastered!!!"
-me, drunk, walking into a wall
-Bill DeNye, the Non-Science Guy
@AmishPornStar1: If you're happy and you know it...
Watch the news.
@AmishPornStar1: Not to brag, but it’s not even Halloween and I’ve already started my Christmas weight-gaining.
@AmishPornStar1: Sushi's just never quite as good re-heated the next day.
@AmishPornStar1: When your lawyer’s lawyer has a lawyer and that lawyer has a “spokesman”...
You’re probably into some shady shit!