So, according to my wife, Febrezing the dog is NOT the same as giving him a bath.
So, apparently, avid cyclists don’t like it when you call them “pedalphiles.”
If I’m reading their lips correctly, it looks like my neighbors are having an argument about the creepy guy next door.
If you let an idiot convince you that he’s the smartest man in the world…
Maybe he’s not the only idiot.
*works from home*
*files claim for hostile work environment*
Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.
Are people in Canada allowed to go oat and aboat yet?
Ever have that fantasy of pulling over on the side of the highway and running into the woods and disappearing for a few years?
HOT KRAFT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA CAN’T WAIT TO BE MELTED BETWEEN TWO SLICES OF BREAD!!!
Her: Nice to meet you.
Me: You don’t even really know that.
Her: It’s an expression.
Me: It’s rather presumptuous.
Her: You know what, I’m sorry I met you.
Me: See what I mean?