Looking forward to the day when “having a case of Corona” means you’re going to the beach and not the hospital.
Them: I’m not getting that vaccine! I don’t know what’s in it.
Me: Have you ever eaten a hot dog?
The irony is that if we had a vaccine against stupid, those who need it most wouldn’t get it.
What kind of losers are sitting home and tweeting on a Friday night?!?!
Oh, wait…never mind.
“I don’t see color.”
So, apparently, “My old girlfriend liked it!” isn’t a good defense when your significant other doesn’t like the Taco Bell gift certificate you got her for Valentine’s.
I bet history classes would be easier if the guy who named the War of 1812 got to name all the other wars.
Nothing against Peloton, but for about a tenth of the price you can buy a bike that actually goes places.
*checks BMI chart*
*adds “get taller” to New Year’s resolutions*
So, according to my wife, Febrezing the dog is NOT the same as giving him a bath.