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@AmishPornStar1 : When your lawyer’s lawyer has a lawyer and that lawyer has a “spokesman”...
You’re probably into some shady shit!
@AmishPornStar1: Wife: I swear, it's like you never even listen to me!!!
Me: Sounds great, Dear.
@AmishPornStar1: Flatulent: (n.) a small apartment in Brooklyn you let a friend borrow
@AmishPornStar1: With the proper diet and lack of exercise, you can turn any jeans into skinny jeans.
@AmishPornStar1: "You want a BOOTH?!"
"I think I'm entitled to the BOOTH!"
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE BOOTH!!!"
~angry exchange at the Applebee's hostess stand
@AmishPornStar1: It's gonna take a real idiot to write my autobiography.
@AmishPornStar1: Health Tip: If you add a raisin to your 1-pound bag of M&M's it becomes Trail Mix and you can eat the whole thing.
@AmishPornStar1: When the zombies finally come, I’m putting ”ORGANIC” stickers on all the vegans...
Y’know, to buy myself some time.
Because mocking you directly would be rude.
@AmishPornStar1: Interviewer: So, why do you want to work here?
Me: Well, I don’t really want to “work” here, per se...I just really need the paychecks.