Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of AmishPornStar1's best tweets

@AmishPornStar1 : HOT KRAFT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA CAN’T WAIT TO BE MELTED BETWEEN TWO SLICES OF BREAD!!!

@AmishPornStar1: *me, flirting*

Me: Hello.

Her: Nice to meet you.

Me: You don’t even really know that.

Her: It’s an expression.

Me: It’s rather presumptuous.

Her: You know what, I’m sorry I met you.

Me: See what I mean?

@AmishPornStar1: Y'know who else threw the bubble-wrap away without popping all the bubbles?

Hitler

@AmishPornStar1: How come Ex-Lax never has coupons for a “Big Blowout Sale”???

@AmishPornStar1: "No! YOU'RE plastered!!!"

-me, drunk, walking into a wall

@AmishPornStar1: "Evolution-schmevolution!"

-Bill DeNye, the Non-Science Guy

@AmishPornStar1: Not to brag, but it’s not even Halloween and I’ve already started my Christmas weight-gaining.

@AmishPornStar1: Sushi's just never quite as good re-heated the next day.

@AmishPornStar1: When your lawyer’s lawyer has a lawyer and that lawyer has a “spokesman”...

You’re probably into some shady shit!