How come Ex-Lax never has coupons for a “Big Blowout Sale”???
“No! YOU’RE plastered!!!”
-me, drunk, walking into a wall
-Bill DeNye, the Non-Science Guy
If you’re happy and you know it…
Watch the news.
Not to brag, but it’s not even Halloween and I’ve already started my Christmas weight-gaining.
Sushi’s just never quite as good re-heated the next day.
When your lawyer’s lawyer has a lawyer and that lawyer has a “spokesman”…
You’re probably into some shady shit!
Wife: I swear, it’s like you never even listen to me!!!
Me: Sounds great, Dear.
Flatulent: (n.) a small apartment in Brooklyn you let a friend borrow
With the proper diet and lack of exercise, you can turn any jeans into skinny jeans.