@AmishPornStar1

Not to brag, but it’s not even Halloween and I’ve already started my Christmas weight-gaining.

@AmishPornStar1

When your lawyer’s lawyer has a lawyer and that lawyer has a “spokesman”…

You’re probably into some shady shit!

@AmishPornStar1

Wife: I swear, it’s like you never even listen to me!!!

Me: Sounds great, Dear.

@AmishPornStar1

With the proper diet and lack of exercise, you can turn any jeans into skinny jeans.