@AmnesiaRose

Fool me once: Nice I wasn’t paying attention, good game.

Fool me twice: you know I smoke a lot of pot. This can’t be very challenging for you.

@AmnesiaRose

Yes you impress me but so does a new set of windshield wipers.

@AmnesiaRose

*knocks over the 17 Starbucks cups on her nightstand

*answers her alarm clock, “hello?”

@AmnesiaRose

I wish I had the confidence to
just randomly sit on people and start bathing myself like my cat does.

@AmnesiaRose

Yes you impress me. But so does a squirrel crossing a telephone wire.

@AmnesiaRose

My alarm is set to the sound of a heart monitor’s flatline so I startle awake every morning and think, “whew. Close call.”