@AnOrangeSNES: [At home school reunion]
"And Sasha bought a new cat, her name is Mittens."
"Mom I know, you told me yesterday."
@AnOrangeSNES: Shaggy: Scoob you can't smoke nitrate ester, you'll explode!
Scooby Doo: RONO₂! *Explodes and dies*
@AnOrangeSNES: I Google image searched the phrase "Google image search" and accidentally opened a portal to hell.
@AnOrangeSNES: FRIEND WHO JUST GOT BIT BY A VERY VENOMOUS SPIDER: Hurry, the antidote!
ME: This reminds me of a time
FRIEND: No, not an anecdote! *Dies*
@AnOrangeSNES: The last apple tree in the world shrivels up and dies. In the distance a horde of doctors are ready.
@AnOrangeSNES: If you are dissolving someone in a vat it's no longer an acid problem, it's an acid solution.
@AnOrangeSNES: Her: I love you so much
Me: Hey, *puts my hand on her shoulder* we all make mistakes sometimes.
@AnOrangeSNES: "Murder most fowl!" I scream as the cops pull me away from the many duck corpses. They explain I misunderstood Hamlet while arresting me.