@AndyJokedAgain

Anyone who can spell ‘gonorrhea’ on the first try has probably had it several times

@AndyJokedAgain

guy who ruins jokes: what are you cooking

chef: updog

guy who ruins jokes: oh i love that

@AndyJokedAgain

MURDER HORNET: 2020 is my year

BRAIN-EATING AMOEBA: hold my contaminated tap water

@AndyJokedAgain

Me: Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!

Bartender: doesn’t matter how many times you say it, we don’t have it

@AndyJokedAgain

* Psychic Job Fair *

Interviewer: What is your greatest strength?
Me:
Interviewer: You’re hired

@AndyJokedAgain

Neighbor: Do you want to see our new baby?
Me: I didn’t even want to see the old one

@AndyJokedAgain

What’s the most upsetting moment in every movie? I say it’s when the hero goes into bar and orders “a beer,” never says what kind, and the bartender doesn’t ask

@AndyJokedAgain

Fact: The human body is 59% water
Fact: Feta cheese is 59% water
Conclusion: The human body is feta cheese