@AngelaEhh: If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i'm just wondering if you're going to eat all those nachos?

@AngelaEhh: Bartender: What can I get you?

Me: Sex, beards, rock & roll?

Bartender:

Me: Sparkling vampire crazy about me?

Bartender:

Me: Beer.

@AngelaEhh: Trying to motivate myself to go for a run, but it's windy outside.

And outside.

@AngelaEhh: *licks ice cream cone

Cone: I have a boyfriend.

@AngelaEhh: Just tried to put my seatbelt on.

AT MY DESK.

I'm pretty.

@AngelaEhh: I thought I wanted to get married again.

Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn't think.

@AngelaEhh: I'm sorry I stabbed all your tires, but in my defense you flirted with me and then said you were just kidding.

@AngelaEhh: Kids teach you so many life lessons.

Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.

@AngelaEhh: This liquid diet crap is a scam. I've been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I'm still fat.