@AngelaEhh

Why are people giving something up for lint? I’m sweeping that shit up every day if you want some more.

@AngelaEhh

Smelled my finger after I took the bandaid off of it.

Don’t do that.

@AngelaEhh

It’d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.

@AngelaEhh

Paint thinner? Bullshit.

Been painting myself with it all week. Still fat.

@AngelaEhh

Still disappointed that the only hard thing in my bed lately has been my mattress.

@AngelaEhh

It’s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions.

Kids… I meant my kids.

@AngelaEhh

My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues.

… and dates.

@AngelaEhh

Dear Milk of Magnesia manufacturers:

Please add : ‘Don’t trust a fart’ to your side effects label.

kthanksbye

@AngelaEhh

My bladder has been tested on this road trip. I still don’t know how far a ‘mile’ really is but I can drive 75 of them before I have to pee.

@AngelaEhh

My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around.

HAHAHAHA. As if.