If your husband didn’t just take down an old shower curtain, wear it as a cape, then run around yelling “I am Captain Mildew!” then you are not me.
I’m at a kids fun park and let me just emphasize that the word “fun” is used loosely here.
Whoever said “time heals all wounds” deserves a swift kick in the teeth.
In Canada at our Black Friday sales we fight to see who gets to hold the door open for others.
My daughter is able to take one chocolate cookie and then go about her day not caring that there’s more.
I’m pretty sure she’s a witch.
I was going to wash my car in my driveway but then I realized I don’t own a halter top or cut-off shorts.
Engelbert Humperdinck actually chose that name, he was not born with it.
I think about this a lot.
I’ve never met a day I couldn’t ruin.
If you remove all the segments where they tell you what’s coming up, Dateline is actually only 13 minutes long.
“Mom! I made you a character in my video game!”
Me: “Cool! What am I doing?”
“You’re angry. I made it just like real life.”