Funny Tweeter

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Page of AnniemuMary's best tweets

@AnniemuMary : The first 8 minutes of any plumber’s visit are spent apologizing for what we tried before we called him.

@AnniemuMary: To the person who brought multi-grain chips to the party- you could have just said you didn’t want to come.

@AnniemuMary: I’m supposed to wear a blouse and slacks to an event. This looks like a job for FuneralPants.

@AnniemuMary: I just saved a mom $26 by trying on the same hat her teen daughter wanted.

@AnniemuMary: Like when you make a mistake on your paper so you use wite-out but then it gets all chunky and busted and worse. That’s concealer in your 40s.

@AnniemuMary: Dec. 21st Xmas shopping: guy to other guy, "Does she wear earrings?" Long pause. Other guy, " I don't know."

@AnniemuMary: Exercise workout videos always have the person smiling. I would rather have a video where the lead person is complain cussing the whole time and saying things like Why are we doing this? This is horrible.

@AnniemuMary: Lunch dates with spouses perplex me. I’ll just see you later at home for free.

@AnniemuMary: I’m going to open a store selling trinkets with profound sayings like “Life is better without crippling obligations” or “Bills are easier to pay when you have money.”

@AnniemuMary: If you eat enough hershey kisses, you can reform the wrappers into a kiss and replace it in the bowl. This is less funny if you live alone.