@AnniemuMary

The lady across the plane aisle very rudely covered her watch that I was using.

@AnniemuMary

If you take your teddy bear into the woods you’re not allowed to be surprised if it comes to life.

@AnniemuMary

You don’t have to buy high thread count sheets. Just buy cheap sheets and use them for 20 years. Like butter, I tell you.

@AnniemuMary

My friend got a peloton. Now she’s posting with words I don’t understand and people are responding with similar words and it’s like when everybody watched game of thrones and I didn’t.

@AnniemuMary

When the person ahead of you joins the rewards program, you should get 10% off just for waiting.

@AnniemuMary

My neighbor cut their tree down and now my house looks bald.

@AnniemuMary

When a waiter doesn’t write down the order and someone in your group asks for no pickles and you know that’s going to be thing that wrecks it for everybody.

@AnniemuMary

I’m at my most storybook heroine when I water the flowers at work.

@AnniemuMary

I like a bird with purpose. One walking quickly as though late to a business meeting. No time to trifle with you, ma’am.

@AnniemuMary

I’d be so pissed if my coworker left for American Idol and I had to cover for them plus act happy.