The lady across the plane aisle very rudely covered her watch that I was using.
If you take your teddy bear into the woods you’re not allowed to be surprised if it comes to life.
You don’t have to buy high thread count sheets. Just buy cheap sheets and use them for 20 years. Like butter, I tell you.
My friend got a peloton. Now she’s posting with words I don’t understand and people are responding with similar words and it’s like when everybody watched game of thrones and I didn’t.
When the person ahead of you joins the rewards program, you should get 10% off just for waiting.
My neighbor cut their tree down and now my house looks bald.
When a waiter doesn’t write down the order and someone in your group asks for no pickles and you know that’s going to be thing that wrecks it for everybody.
I’m at my most storybook heroine when I water the flowers at work.
I like a bird with purpose. One walking quickly as though late to a business meeting. No time to trifle with you, ma’am.
I’d be so pissed if my coworker left for American Idol and I had to cover for them plus act happy.