You could pay someone to install a new faucet or you could spend two hours and 20 minutes trying to remove one bolt and then pay someone.
Take your glasses off. Hold them up to a light to see if they’re dirty. Now try to do it with your mouth closed.
It’s ok. I killed the oregano flake on the counter.
My husband was typing and asked me how to spell suspicious and now I am.
You think you’re tired? Try being a child who’s been asked to put away their own laundry that’s been washed, folded and delivered to their room for them.
Dear young cashier,
$100.89 is not pronounced $189.
Signed, a lady you scared
I feel it is only fair for a recipe to indicate up front how many burners it requires. For example a 3 burner recipe would be a no.
I’m not an actress but I play one on the phone when the lady asks me if I have a pen to write down the confirmation code.
Assorted bandaid box-
3 in a size you need
12 you can make work
35 round to weigh box down
My family keeps throwing sweaters in the laundry basket like we wash those.
Brought twins to a corn maze & put them at 2 different points so people thought they kept passing the same row. The tricycles really sold it
Omg, do you mind? I’m busy. This dinner isn’t going to peel back plastic, stir and add 3 minutes to itself.
My youngest once got ahold of the scissors and gave herself a haircut. It wasn’t bad. So now every 6 weeks we casually leave them out.
Met a dog named Donut. I don’t need that kind of reminder all day. Excuse me, I have to go take Smaller Portions for a walk.
Walked past our fish bowl and the water bounced like that cup in Jurassic Park. Now I feel both insulted and all powerful.