Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@AnnietheNanny1 : I feel kind of sad that in some countries children are starving and I'm over here eating spiders in my sleep like a god damn glutton.
@AnnietheNanny1: I don't always eat 100-calorie packs of anything, but when I do, I make sure and eat the whole box.
@AnnietheNanny1: A pregnant lady, except it's me smuggling king sized candy into the movies for 6 kids and saving $278.
@AnnietheNanny1: If you can’t be with the one you love, love the grilled cheese you’re with.
@AnnietheNanny1: me: time for sleep :)
my brain: IS IT THE “S” OR THE “C” THAT’S SILENT IN THE WORD “SCENT”???
@AnnietheNanny1: I like you, but I like peeing in swimming pools, so it's not saying much.
@AnnietheNanny1: *disguises myself as a baby so people throw cheese at me*
@AnnietheNanny1: If I was a man my favorite hole would still be the donut hole.
@AnnietheNanny1: Me in my 20's:
I don't want to leave the house if my Victoria's Secret bra doesn't match my thong.
Me in my 40's:
I don't want to leave the house.
@AnnietheNanny1: If I was a Disney princess I’d most likely be Tacobelle.
Thanks for reading.