@AnnietheNanny1

Me: What am I going to do with these sick time management skills?
Twitter: hold my beer

@AnnietheNanny1

My aunt dropped by unexpectedly and when she knocked on the door, instead of barking, my dog tried to jump in the lit fireplace and I’ve never felt so on the same level as anything ever.

@AnnietheNanny1

I feel kind of sad that in some countries children are starving and I’m over here eating spiders in my sleep like a god damn glutton.

@AnnietheNanny1

I don’t always eat 100-calorie packs of anything, but when I do, I make sure and eat the whole box.

@AnnietheNanny1

A pregnant lady, except it’s me smuggling king sized candy into the movies for 6 kids and saving $278.

@AnnietheNanny1

If you can’t be with the one you love, love the grilled cheese you’re with.

@AnnietheNanny1

me: time for sleep 🙂

my brain: IS IT THE “S” OR THE “C” THAT’S SILENT IN THE WORD “SCENT”???

@AnnietheNanny1

I like you, but I like peeing in swimming pools, so it’s not saying much.