@ArtIsMyPorn

Dogs have it good. No one ever wraps my pills in thin sliced roast beef.

@ArtIsMyPorn

When they say shirts versus skins, they mean your own skin, not someone’s skin you brought from home.

@ArtIsMyPorn

The vet said he can’t prescribe my imaginary horse anymore ketamine.

@ArtIsMyPorn

If I were a kidnapper, I’d drive around telling adults there’s naps in the van.