@Aspersioncast

Annoy your wife by saying “wow” every time a chick gets out of the limo on The Bachelor.

@Aspersioncast

In Australia what doesn’t kill you is probably just saving you for the sharks.

@Aspersioncast

Nothing can destroy your good opinion of a company quicker than working for them.

@Aspersioncast

My “Savings Account” is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.

@Aspersioncast

My doctor said I shouldn’t hug people, admittedly it was 10 years ago when I had the flu but I still use that one.

@Aspersioncast

If I’ve learnt anything from Zombie movies it’s that people meat is pretty damn stringy.

@Aspersioncast

What sort of tape measure does the guy from The Guinness Book of Records use to measure the worlds longest tape measure?

@Aspersioncast

I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.