@AtRichieK
Me: *trimming branches in the nude*
Her: You’re pruning?
Me: *embarrassed*
I was in the pool!
@AtRichieK
@AtRichieK
Hey loose stools, get your shit together.
@AtRichieK
Officer 1: I’ll handle this
*comes back with conspicuous gravy stain*
Officer 2: What was that?
Officer 1: Just a poutine traffic stop
@AtRichieK
Me: Sorry sorry *tears welling up* so sorry
Her: oh honey…
Me: *sobbing* BANANA-FANA-FO-FORRY
@AtRichieK
A restraining order but it’s just me sending these watery noodles back to the kitchen.