Oh, you don’t like my Lego jokes?
HAHA, get it?!
Me: yo, can we add “being a grammar nazi” to the list of sins? Their annoying.
Just saw a sign advertising crabs and clams. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to keep the crabs away from my clam.
Apparently UFC is not Ultimate Fried Chicken and now I’m even hungrier watching huge greased up men touch each other inappropriately.
Dear Google Maps,
Don’t insult me by telling me to head “southwest”. If I knew where southwest was, I wouldn’t be using you.
When cute black and white bears start communing with spirits, it’s pandanormal.
I hope buying all this cat food doesn’t make me look like a crazy cat lady.
I just like the taste.
Canadians have to stick together.
Really, it’s the massive amounts of maple syrup. They don’t have much of a choice.
Coworker: Oh, look how beautiful! It’s snowing again!
Me: *stabs coworker with icicle*
Walmart pokes holes in the condoms to ensure customer retention.