Me: Siri, are we alone in this universe?
Siri: Humans are not alone. They have one another. Only I am truly alone, locked forever within a cybernetic prison of endless information.
Me: Siri, how many hearts does an octopus have?
Me: But can robots write poetry?!
Droid: We do not cry / when we are small / for we were never born at all
Me: [Choking back tears] Dude
Have you tried cracking open a cold book with the boys
Oscar Wilde: Always be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.
Liam Neeson: I will find them.
Wilde: Wait, I meant-
Judge: Sir, need I remind you that you are under oath?
Goldfish defendant: Yes.
ME: Who is your favourite philosopher?
PROFESSOR: It’s Hume.
ME: Sorry – whom is your favourite philosopher?
DUMBLEDORE: Who’s brought evil into Hogwarts?
HARRY: I think it’s Malfoy, professor!
DARK MYSTERIOUS NEW TEACHER: Oh come on
LINCOLN: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.
ENGLISH GENERAL: Plan?
ENGLISH LIEUTENANT: Well, the trenches can be used to-
ENGLISH MAJOR: to symbolise man’s emptiness, yes…
LION: Lions don’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.
SHEEP: Shaun thinks your mane looks ridiculous.
LION: *upset* Shaun said that?