Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of BDGarp's best tweets

@BDGarp : I’m sitting next to a beautiful woman at a bar so now it’s only a matter of time before nothing happens.

@BDGarp: Her: Are you even capable of love?

Me: I’m pretty sure I love pancakes.

@BDGarp: Terrify your parents by answering your cellphone.

@BDGarp: When a woman says "WHAT did you just say?" say something different.

@BDGarp: If I saw an elephant in the room, that's ALL I'd be talking about.

@BDGarp: I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.

@BDGarp: Never trust your kids. You know who their parents are.

@BDGarp: Me: Have fun on your date.

Son: What if she drinks too much, or gets high?

Me: You really aren't my kid are you?

@BDGarp: Okay, you got me, I'm not really a gynecologist. What gave it away? Was it the tongue thing?