Millennial: what’s crackalackin’?
Me: my knees, my shoulder, my neck, and my back
What do you call an upset reindeer?
We should have known how people would handle the pandemic after watching them drive.
Youth may have many decadent pleasures. But at my age, based on the sounds I make, relieving my bladder is pure euphoria.
If you’re wondering what good can come from all of this, at least they’re now putting tamper seals on pizza boxes.
My neighbor bought a Corolla, then one appeared in my other neighbor’s driveway.
I’m really starting to worry about this virus…
I’m very sorry, I must inform you, the stupidity has metastasized.
Co-worker: some food is way high in vitamins, k?
Me: that’s bananas.
Co-worker: Do you know why there is water on the floor?
Me: Yes, but I don’t have time right now to explain fluid dynamics and stagnation points.
2016: imagine the worst case scenario.
2019: no, not like that, worser