@BGH70

Millennial: what’s crackalackin’?

Me: my knees, my shoulder, my neck, and my back

@BGH70

What do you call an upset reindeer?

Caribou-hoo.

*Ba-dum-tsss

@BGH70

We should have known how people would handle the pandemic after watching them drive.

@BGH70

Youth may have many decadent pleasures. But at my age, based on the sounds I make, relieving my bladder is pure euphoria.

@BGH70

If you’re wondering what good can come from all of this, at least they’re now putting tamper seals on pizza boxes.

@BGH70

My neighbor bought a Corolla, then one appeared in my other neighbor’s driveway.

I’m really starting to worry about this virus…

@BGH70

I’m very sorry, I must inform you, the stupidity has metastasized.

@BGH70

Co-worker: some food is way high in vitamins, k?

Me: that’s bananas.

@BGH70

Co-worker: Do you know why there is water on the floor?

Me: Yes, but I don’t have time right now to explain fluid dynamics and stagnation points.

@BGH70

2016: imagine the worst case scenario.

2019: no, not like that, worser