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@BGH70 : If I ever marry someone who shares my intense love of puns, she'll be my pun-kin.
@BGH70: How do mathematicians plot their leg day workouts?
With quad-ratic equations.
@BGH70: If you've ever asked yourself, "what if Cartman grew up and became president?", well…
@BGH70: Sorry, your invitation got lost in the trash.
@BGH70: *Digging my own grave* sounds like a lot of exercise just to lie down.
@BGH70: Co-worker: I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea…
Me: Yeah, you're my glass of ipecac.
@BGH70: Pick-up line: Hi, I have never been a Hollywood producer or USA Gynastics team doctor.
@BGH70: Because of how time works, every photo is a 'before' photo.
@BGH70: When bagging my groceries make sure to keep the radioactive bananas away from the mercury laden tuna.
That's too much death in one bag.
@BGH70: "Which one is you?"
- My favorite response when someone shows me a selfie with other people in it.