Having a tattoo in a hidden place is really just entertainment for the coroner.
Anyone else’s car getting 3 weeks to the gallon right now?
At my age when I’m asked if I’m seeing someone I assume they mean a therapist
Not to brag but I can forget what I’m doing as I’m doing it
Him: Describe our relationship in two words
Me: Our what?
Kittens in my mind: *sweet, adorable, soft, snuggly kitty-witties*
Kittens in rl: I WILL MURDER YOU SLOWLY WITH MY TINY RAZOR NEEDLE CLAWS, STARTING WITH YOUR LEGS