Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@BackrowSeats : Log Entry 21: it's been 3 weeks & we're still lost in this Macy's. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off.
@BackrowSeats: Don't dwell on bad things that happened in your past. Focus on the terrible things that'll happen tomorrow.
@BackrowSeats: Some people might find a grown man talking to himself strange, & it's probably the couple sitting next to me.
@BackrowSeats: [Morgan Freeman narrating my life]
"He's still sleeping."
@BackrowSeats: Burger King's slogan "Have It Your Way" was shortened from "Are You Sure You Wanna Eat This? Ok. Have It Your Way".
@BackrowSeats: It won't be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It'll be me laughing at an inappropriate time.
@BackrowSeats: This woman at the bar said "move, you're blocking the door" & I'm like strange pickup line but sure here's my number.
@BackrowSeats: This beautiful woman is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's just falling asleep.
@BackrowSeats: Salads don't kill people. People who eat salads kill people.
@BackrowSeats: Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have herpes. Laugh all you want. You'll still have herpes.