@BadMikeyBad: If you ask me to give you a ride anywhere on less than 2 hours notice, you’re gonna be sitting in a pile of empty soda bottles and chip bags.
@BadMikeyBad: I practice safe drinking by uninstalling the Amazon App from my phone before I start
@BadMikeyBad: High School Reunions are bullshit. Why would I pay money to see people I’ve been deliberately avoiding for the past 20 years
@BadMikeyBad: Welcome to your forties, you’re now wondering why younger people are so dumb
@BadMikeyBad: Thanks to SnapChat filters I'm now sexually attracted to girl rabbits, bats, and cocker spaniels
@BadMikeyBad: The scariest sound is an unknown crash followed by my 9 year old yelling "It's OK! There's nothing wrong! You don't need to come up here"