If you blow out the kid’s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
Why don’t they just use a 3 year old with a drum set as an enhanced interrogation technique?
Keep your friends close and your enemies in urns.
Sex so good, you make bed angels with your arms and legs afterwards.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it “Contains Peanuts” makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
Chicken Pot Pie sounds like a delicious 3 course meal.
Nice try, dogs who wear “Please Don’t Pet Me, I’m Working” vests.
The good news is, I blocked the creepy guy. The bad news is, I’m tweeting this from inside his trunk.