@Barknado69

[Date]

Her: *giggles* whoops you got a hair right there

Me (nervous she’s trying to clone me): give it back

@Barknado69

[Sex Shop]

Worker: can I help you?

Me: Yes can I get um.. *fumbles with piece of paper* one sex please

@Barknado69

Me: why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie

Surgeon: wtf

M: he was too far out man

S: how are you still awake we heavily sedated you

@Barknado69

[Marriage Counseling]

Her: he always mixes two common sayings together that aren’t relevant

Me: well, blood is thicker than the early bird

@Barknado69

Waiter: how did you two meet

Me: this is actually a blind date

W: *much louder* SORRY I SAID HOW DID YOU TWO MEET