@BatBatshitcrazy: Don't hate me because I have an entire drawer in my fridge dedicated to cheese, hate me because it's organized according to expiration date.
@BatBatshitcrazy: I accidentally put my yoga pants on backwards this morning; and I'm absolutely horrified to say, they've never fit better.
@BatBatshitcrazy: The occasional loneliness I feel being single doesn't compare to the pure bliss of never having to share my Hershey's cream pie or bacon.
@BatBatshitcrazy: I invented a breakfast calzone this morning, hashbrowns as the double crust with an omelette in the middle. So now I have to marry myself.
@BatBatshitcrazy: I'm only going to have two glasses of wine tonight
~ refills 32 oz tumbler
@BatBatshitcrazy: What's it called when you wake up and have to delete 73% of your tweets from last night. Alcohol, it's called alcohol.
@BatBatshitcrazy: Having a large vocabulary may not make you intelligent, but it really can help you bullshit your way through just about anything