Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@BatBatshitcrazy : Don't hate me because I have an entire drawer in my fridge dedicated to cheese, hate me because it's organized according to expiration date.
@BatBatshitcrazy: I accidentally put my yoga pants on backwards this morning; and I'm absolutely horrified to say, they've never fit better.
@BatBatshitcrazy: The occasional loneliness I feel being single doesn't compare to the pure bliss of never having to share my Hershey's cream pie or bacon.
@BatBatshitcrazy: A penny for your thoughts, a dollar if you keep them to yourself.
@BatBatshitcrazy: I invented a breakfast calzone this morning, hashbrowns as the double crust with an omelette in the middle. So now I have to marry myself.
@BatBatshitcrazy: I'm only going to have two glasses of wine tonight
~ refills 32 oz tumbler
@BatBatshitcrazy: What's it called when you wake up and have to delete 73% of your tweets from last night. Alcohol, it's called alcohol.
@BatBatshitcrazy: Having a large vocabulary may not make you intelligent, but it really can help you bullshit your way through just about anything
@BatBatshitcrazy: I've got 19 yo boys lining up to mow my lawn. Cougar game strong? Nah, I just make a mean lasagna.
@BatBatshitcrazy: It's NOT day drinking if you didn't sleep the night before, mother.