@Bedlam_Beersie

Girls who go to finishing school know all of the Mortal Kombat fatalities.

@Bedlam_Beersie

Don’t you hate it when you claw your way out of your grave just to realize you left your keys in the coffin?

@Bedlam_Beersie

Jesus: … when you saw only one set of footprints, that’s when I was carrying you.
Me: What about that spot with lots of footprints?
Jesus: I didn’t want to alarm you, but I did also fight some ninjas who were stalking us.