@BigJDubz : Her: you're in no state to drive
Me: Jesus will take the wheel
Jesus: can't... drunk
Me: but you were only ordering water all night
Jesus: *tries to wink at camera*
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@BigJDubz: Me: objection your honour!
Judge : sustained
Me: *takes deep breath* objectionnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
@BigJDubz: Hi guys, got a second date tonight, we're going to the cinema. What's the best flavour of soup to put in my thermos? Wanna get this just right
@BigJDubz: Who said "do something each day that scares you?" I need them to explain to my wife how I got a shark pregnant
@BigJDubz: Me: *pssst* tell the girl wearing the white dress I think she's hot
Priest: absolutely not
@BigJDubz: One of the best things about the internet is that it’s very easy to claim credit for things you had no part in. It’s one of the reasons I invented it