@BillMc7

*goes on Facebook AGAIN*
*reads 100,000th idiotic post*
*thinks other people are stupid*

@BillMc7

I see your point. You’re right. My timing could have been much better. I’m sorry I proposed to you at your father’s funeral.

@BillMc7

listen, officer – t h e o r e t i c a l l y – would I still get a carpool lane ticket if I have a body in the trunk

@BillMc7

me: *tries to help old lady cross the street*
old lady: I have a boyfriend.

@BillMc7

Taken 3 ~ It All Ends Here
Taken 4 ~ Listen, We’re Just As Surprised As You Are
Taken 5 ~ Whaaaaat!? Yep…

@BillMc7

Been coughing all day. Can’t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.

@BillMc7

Seems like Hello Kitty should be a brand of condoms.

@BillMc7

Restaurant Hostess: “Sorry about the wait.”
Me: “It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize for being overweight.”

@BillMc7

Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn’t think of this.

@BillMc7

Just saw a spider. It was sleeping. I crawled into its mouth.