*At the checkout
Cashier: How many croissants?
*Cashier eyes up the crumbs on my face.
M: Um six
People are less likely to keep pinching your fries off your plate if you stab their hand with your fork.
Brain: If we leave now we’ll be on time for once.
Body: Ten more minutes then.
I don’t know if it’s a cold or a flu, I’ve decided to feed it anyway.
Don’t eat sugar, don’t drink alcohol, don’t eat saturated fat, wear sunscreen, drink plenty of water, moisturize, and exercise….
And you’ll be the healthiest corpse in the morgue.
Don’t fall in love with your therapist they are crazier than you are.
My phone keeps sending me a message telling me moisture has been detected in my usb port, I think it might be flirting with me
They say you are what you eat.
*opens a big bag of nuts
I dont mean to brag but my sense of humour has people saying they worry about me sometimes.
Welcome to your 40’s where the small print appears to have gotten a lot smaller!