@BitchyJasmine

Bob: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.

@BitchyJasmine

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? His body decomposed.

@BitchyJasmine

I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing he’ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.

@BitchyJasmine

My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen. ūüôā

@BitchyJasmine

‘If u insinuate that I’m fat again, I’m leaving you!’ ‘Don’t be selfish, think about the baby.’ ‘What baby?’ ‘Oh, so you’re not pregnant?’

@BitchyJasmine

Listened to some Beethoven last night. And some Lady Gaga today. Now I’m quite confused.

Who’s the deaf one again?