Years ago I tried on my sister’s bra, couldn’t undo the clasp & was too embarrassed to ask for help. I’m still wearing it. I live in shame.
“You lie like a doge!” I tell my wife.
“So deceit!” I add.
“Very fraud!” I mention.
“Much fiction!” I point out.
“Wow,” she says.
“Shotgun!” I yell as I push past the others and climb into the seat.
I am subsequently escorted from the airplane.
I struggle against the ropes binding me, catching the scent of gas. “You’ll die too,” I say.
“9 lives,” my cat whispers, lighting a match.
Is there a doc in the house?
*Dr Pepper rises*
*searches man’s pockets*
Hey ur no doctor!
*moustache falls off*
*it’s Mr Pibb*
No One Puts Baby in the Corner: A Feng Shui Guide to Nurseries
Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom’s friend Frank, the fork living next door.
“You’re attachment is too large,” my computer tells me.
I blush. “My eyes are up here,” I respond coyly.