@BlindChow

Years ago I tried on my sister’s bra, couldn’t undo the clasp & was too embarrassed to ask for help. I’m still wearing it. I live in shame.

@BlindChow

“You lie like a doge!” I tell my wife.
“So deceit!” I add.
“Very fraud!” I mention.
“Much fiction!” I point out.

“Wow,” she says.

@BlindChow

“Shotgun!” I yell as I push past the others and climb into the seat.

I am subsequently escorted from the airplane.

@BlindChow

I struggle against the ropes binding me, catching the scent of gas. “You’ll die too,” I say.

“9 lives,” my cat whispers, lighting a match.

@BlindChow

*man choking*
Is there a doc in the house?
*Dr Pepper rises*
*searches man’s pockets*
Hey ur no doctor!
*moustache falls off*
*it’s Mr Pibb*

@BlindChow

No One Puts Baby in the Corner: A Feng Shui Guide to Nurseries

@BlindChow

Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom’s friend Frank, the fork living next door.

@BlindChow

“You’re attachment is too large,” my computer tells me.

I blush. “My eyes are up here,” I respond coyly.