@BlindVigil

Here’s my ONLY problem with Evolution:

When the chocolate chip evolved, how did the raisin not go extinct?

@BlindVigil

I’m pretty sure I’m smarter than my cat, but he refuses to take the test.

It unnerves me, because that’s totally what a genius would do…

@BlindVigil

What do you call a potato/corn crime fighting duo?

Starchy and Husk

@BlindVigil

“My pleasure, doll”
“My pleasure doll”

Commas can make a world of difference…

@BlindVigil

Her: “Your funny”

Me: “…. Uh ya… this isn’t gonna work”

@BlindVigil

“Impeccable” sounds like a general immunity to crow attacks…

@BlindVigil

I’ll take a low-fat, mocha, chai, organic-soy-milk latte, with a shot of French vanilla, sprinkled with unicorn soul, please.

@BlindVigil

If I lived in Alabama, I’d name my daughter, ‘Banjo-lina”.

@BlindVigil

*Farmer walks into job application

Farmer: I barely speak English, and my village doesn’t have a computer.

Employer: BOOM! Tech support!