@bluestmoon_

Here, hold my drink. Ruining this is going to take both hands.

@bluestmoon_

Good day to everyone except people that pronounce wolves as “wolfs”.

@Bluestmoon_

I love waking up next to you, I say as I roll over and gently kiss my bag of Doritos

@Bluestmoon_

There are pants in the bathroom trash can at work, so someone is having a worse day than you.

@Bluestmoon_

78% of parenting is spent anxiously praying they don’t notice the minuscule lego piece you just vacuumed up.

@Bluestmoon_

Luckily, children are much easier to keep alive than house plants.

@Bluestmoon_

Sorry I asked “why?” when you told me your baby’s name.

@Bluestmoon_

When someone shows you they don’t want to be a part of your life, let them go.

I’m not saying you can’t make a voodoo doll of them, though.