Funny Tweeter

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Page of Bob_Janke's best tweets

@Bob_Janke : People say "5 second rule" like that's a thing. I just ate a piece of Thanksgiving candy off the floor.

@Bob_Janke: I've found that women are never, impressed by what guys think will impress them. Also I just ran out of gas doing donuts in the parking lot

@Bob_Janke: There is absolutely nothing to stop your dentist from putting small tracking devices in your mouth. How would you know. You wouldn't

@Bob_Janke: Cartoons were better when people got anvils dropped on them and accidentally smoked dynamite like cigars.

@Bob_Janke: Attention Wiccans don't forget to feed your snakes before you go stand around in a graveyard all night tonight

@Bob_Janke: Oh no, we don't go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

@Bob_Janke: If you invite me, you invite my xylophone too.

@Bob_Janke: Guys that squirrel is on my patio in the dark dragging his little hand across his throat shit what do I do

@Bob_Janke: My sister's boyfriend is visiting from England and we're going to the driving range. What are the English rules of golf. Do I have to fight him or what.

@Bob_Janke: I bet the best part of being in your 70s is you get to drive through buildings and people just say "oh he must've hit the gas instead of the brakes" and that's it