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Page of Bob_Janke's best tweets

@Bob_Janke : I bet the best part of being in your 70s is you get to drive through buildings and people just say "oh he must've hit the gas instead of the brakes" and that's it

@Bob_Janke: Hope my neighbors like my new pet howler monkeys

@Bob_Janke: if I'm wearing a suit you better be dead or getting married

@Bob_Janke: If you're ever pulled over by the police just tell them you pay their salary.

@Bob_Janke: There was no Internet when I was a kid. If you wanted to talk to a pervert, you had to go find one.

@Bob_Janke: stop telling me to move somewhere warmer. you can't just pack up and leave like some kind of goddamn hippie i'm working on it.

@Bob_Janke: 700 people a year die falling down stairs that's why my house only has slides

@Bob_Janke: when I see an attractive girl in a long over coat I like to imagine she has a lot of watches for sale under there

@Bob_Janke: If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything - Marilyn Monroe

If you believe that try showing her your race car bed - Me.

@Bob_Janke: [teaching my dog to shake hands]

NO! Firmer than that. Want them to take you seriously?