Did we ever get rid of that ozone layer or are we still worried about that
Never once in my life have I ever met a dentist in a social situation randomly somewhere outside of a dentist’s office. Think about it.
You’re more likely to die falling down a flight of stairs than from being attacked by a shark especially if I’m standing behind you.
Helena Bonham Carter eats eight spiders a day. Not in her sleep, just whenever.
Gwyneth Paltrow should invent a candle that smells like a brand new can of Play-Doh
A mechanical frog is called a ribot.
Sorry I haven’t said anything in a while
If I go to your funeral I’m going to stand there holding an opened umbrella during the service no matter what
Failure isn’t an option? Just watch me.
I’ve been avoiding the news like crazy. We could’ve landed on the Moon this morning for all I know.
Too bad they cancelled the Chicago Marathon I was going to run it this year