Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of Bob_Janke's best tweets

@Bob_Janke : Attention Wiccans don't forget to feed your snakes before you go stand around in a graveyard all night tonight

@Bob_Janke: Oh no, we don't go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

@Bob_Janke: If you invite me, you invite my xylophone too.

@Bob_Janke: Guys that squirrel is on my patio in the dark dragging his little hand across his throat shit what do I do

@Bob_Janke: My sister's boyfriend is visiting from England and we're going to the driving range. What are the English rules of golf. Do I have to fight him or what.

@Bob_Janke: I bet the best part of being in your 70s is you get to drive through buildings and people just say "oh he must've hit the gas instead of the brakes" and that's it

@Bob_Janke: Hope my neighbors like my new pet howler monkeys

@Bob_Janke: if I'm wearing a suit you better be dead or getting married

@Bob_Janke: If you're ever pulled over by the police just tell them you pay their salary.

@Bob_Janke: There was no Internet when I was a kid. If you wanted to talk to a pervert, you had to go find one.