I was watching you while you slept. You look pretty stupid.
Me: so… is this your first police chase?
I fit into my fat clothes again thank god I didn’t throw them away
Here’s what I think…
People say “5 second rule” like that’s a thing. I just ate a piece of Thanksgiving candy off the floor.
I’ve found that women are never, impressed by what guys think will impress them. Also I just ran out of gas doing donuts in the parking lot
There is absolutely nothing to stop your dentist from putting small tracking devices in your mouth. How would you know. You wouldn’t
Cartoons were better when people got anvils dropped on them and accidentally smoked dynamite like cigars.
Attention Wiccans don’t forget to feed your snakes before you go stand around in a graveyard all night tonight
Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.